Family additions

As you can see above, we have two new additions to the house.

Jayne got two cats from the Harbor Humane Society a week or so ago. The plans to rescue the animals were in the works before my demotion, so we couldn't put the brakes on despite the added cost of the animals. If we didn't take them, they were most likely headed for death.

Names: Louie, the male, on the right; Missie, the female. They are siblings.

The dogs are adjusting, though Milo, our Lab, has been stalking Louie to the point of cornering him in the girls' room and just staring at him.

Bitter old man update

I'm still adjusting to my new work life. Technical problems remain because of incompatible computer systems, but we're working on them.

The promise of more time with my family is, as I noted to my supervisors, a fallacy. Sunday, for example: If I didn't need to interview a source in the afternoon, I would have taken my daughters swimming. I did not take them because of work. I put in about 55-60 hours a week now as I research, interview, attend meetings, take pictures and write. Come spring and summer, that will jump to at least 80 hours.

All that for a cut in pay of $13,000.

I really did waste 17 years of my professional life. I turned down PR options and moving to other newspapers because I believed I was a valuable addition and someone worth investing in for this company. Despite all the work, all the personal sacrifices, the struggles for quality and helping other staffers learn and better themselves, I really am just another old guy who has outlived his salary level and his usefulness.

And I'm bitter and full of self-pity, I know. Self-realization is always messy.

If only I was young like my boss wants. Instead of reading books, growing myself spiritually and raising a family, I should have been out partying, spending hours online on the top Web sites, worrying about my hair and clothes, going to the "right" churches.

Oh, my wasted youth.

It blows

Couldn't resist the header -- it's a reference to both a "Simpsons" moment (the air conditioner store Homer goes to on a hot summer day) and "Moby Dick."

I recently finished Melville's classic. I had not read it in its entirety before and, on urging from a co-worker, thought I'd try it.

The novel is a great read. The opening chapters are hilarious with the descriptions of Quequeg's meeting with the narrator, though I could do without the vivid descriptions of how a whale was sliced apart. Well, I'm so much the wiser.

The foreshadowing and eerie description of Ahab forging his own harpoon tempered with blood are intense. The chapter on Starbuck's choice not to kill Ahab with a gun shot has depth into the human psyche and a somber realization of fate.

I was uncomfortable with the descriptions of ethnic minorities, especially African Americans. I just am too much a modern man to handle those 19th-century attitudes.

Sinking feeling

As I read "Moby Dick," I tried to find parallels to my current employment situation, but, I admit, even I couldn't find much there, except that sinking feeling.

I'm still having a hard time assimilating to my demotion. Again, I am grateful to have a job in this terrible economy, but the pay cut and the shock to my ego were pretty intense. I had a major meltdown last week where I just sat on the end of my bed and sobbed out of frustration and self-pity (a mix surely to give me a hangover) at the thought my job was given to a younger, less experienced person. After years of being told in reviews and by supervisors (and believing them) that I was good at copy editing and managing and presenting news, to suddenly be relieved of that, well, it just hurts.

I did speak with some company folks, but I don't think they understood my emotions at being pulled aside, told to leave my desk (my replacement was immediately moved into it; just a desk, but the symbolism is right there), leave the office, not come in; to leave some people I have worked with for 17 years, people I interacted with daily, and now to be seen as awkward, marked kind of like a leper walking among them. I believe the higher-ups think me ungrateful (which I am not) and complaining (I do whine a lot, I admit that), but I do thank them for this chance to continue working in a field I have been devoted to for more than two decades.

But it's not all bad (really, I am grateful to have a job. Have I said that enough?)

On the good side, I really do enjoy meeting and talking with my sources. People are fantastic in Saugatuck-Douglas and Fennville area. Folks have been patient with my questions and understanding and helpful. That has kept me buoyed as I'm tossed about in this confusing ocean (hey, there's another "Moby Dick" reference!).

Also, my family has been super supportive as have some friends -- thanks, Jeff, for the encouraging comments!

I suppose as I come to grips with my drop in status (oh, ego, you are mighty! Another "Moby Dick" reference. Man, they are everywhere), drop in pay and increase in expenses (mileage, phone bills, computers, whale blubber -- oh, wait. ... ), I'll be the better person for it.

As Monty Python reminds us (no whale reference here): Always look on the bright side of life.

It could be worse

I am happy to have a job.

Several people at the paper were laid off Tuesday, including two people in the newsroom. I was not one of them, but my job was substantially changed.

I'm no longer the news editor in charge of the reporters, setting news coverage and editing copy. I'm now the Saugatuck area reporter bringing in less money to my family.

Also, I'm not working out of the office any more. I'm working from home. A mixed blessing, I'll admit. My home is not organized for efficiency in writing, interviewing and researching, so it will take time to get up to speed.

I am grateful that the company chose to keep me on, that I am bringing in cash to support my family.

There may not be many blog updates here soon. In the former position, I worked 55-60 hours a week. I expect now to be working 80 hours a week.