Paradise by the Dashboard Lights

I was humming that Meat Loaf song, "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights," the other day.

I love that song (and album!). It encapsulates the rushing emotions of being a teen and seeking the secrets of sexual pleasure. And it's the best use of a baseball broadcast I have ever heard.

Of the non-Beatles albums I must have in my ever-aging music collection, "Bat Out of Hell" would have to be there -- album, cassette, CD, iPod -- it must be there.

I was thinking about it because, as the picture above shows, I was not driving my decade-old Corsica to a trail head of the Fred Meijer White Pine Trail in Kent County. I borrowed my mother-in-law's van which fits my Fuji snuggly (no, not a sexual euphemism) for the 55 mile drive to Belmont.

The Corsica's dash board idiot lights have been ablaze recently. "Service Engine Soon" and "Coolant Low" are the main flashers, along with the occasional "Get a Haircut You Hippie" light.

I've had the engine checked and it's old, like me. It's also leaking lots of multi-colored fluids, like me (did you need to know that?). So, I only take the car to and from work, and the instant oil change garage where they add fluids regularly (like me going to the coffee shop) and run when they see me coming in the coughing, chugging and rusting car (like at the coffee shop!).

The trail

The ride on the White Pine Trail was fantastic. It's only paved from Comstock Park to Russell Street south of Cedar Springs (about 14 miles, I think), but another 8 miles will soon be added to Sand Lake. The trail itself is about 100 miles from Grand Rapids to Cadillac. It's an abandoned rail line (I studied these in college, believe it or not. Who says an Adrian education doesn't pay off?)

The day I went, rain was constant but light. I don't mind riding in the rain. As Paul McCartney says, "Don't complain. It rains for you and me." The worst part of rain is wet socks. Yuck. Can't stand it. Squishy.

The trail went through forested area, through Rockford, past the 150-year-old dam on the Rogue River, by the Wolverine World Wide factory (home of Hush Puppies shoes), by Fifth Third Ballpark (home of the West Michigan Whitecaps) and the Grand River (home of raw sewage from Grand Rapids).

Check out my bike column in the Sept. 4 Holland Sentinel (www.hollandsentinel.com) if you want more details, but the drive through construction on U.S. 131 is worth it.

I'd like to take the kids along the trail some time.

Best thing, of course: No idiot lights on my bike telling me the engine is about to explode.

Thought: We were glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife. ...

Room without a view

Above is a shot of my cubicle where I've been working for more than 15 years. Lovely view, eh? And people wonder why I'm so uninspired. I think I've had the same chair for at least 10 of those years.

Note my lunch to the right of the keyboard and the cans of Pepsi to the left. They don't allow us to drink vodka anymore while on the job, so we editors need something else.

What's frightening is that someone purposely designed this office to look like this. Hardly inspiring.

Storm stories

We had some nasty storms roll through last week. I ran through the front head-on as I picked up Alyssa from a friend's house. Dark clouds swirling, tree branches crashing to the ground, power flickering.

We watched the storm reports on TV. The weather folks spread panic like it was the end of the world. Poor Elspeth was so disturbed by the weather reports that she went up to her room and brought down all of her stuffed monkeys -- she has a million or two -- so that if we had to run to the basement to avoid a tornado she'd have her monkey friends safe.

We lucked out. The storm curved around us, but did some nasty damage inland. Allegan was hit hard and lost power for a day or so.

And this brings me back to the cubicle picture.

I was in my cubicle more than usual last week because of the power outage. We had to print early one night because the Allegan printing plant was out of power. The paper was printed in Grand Rapids.

The next day, we were under the assumption we would again print in Grand Rapids with a five-hour early deadline! Well, it turned out Allegan's power did come on in time to print there.

Thought: Some would call it funny that our paper was printed at the facility of our competitor, the Grand Rapids Press. Others would just shake their heads.

More zoo time

I took the kids to the John Ball Park Zoo in Grand Rapids Saturday. Elspeth wanted to see the monkeys and Alyssa wanted to see the snow leopards, so off we went.

It was a nice morning -- we went early to beat the crowds, of course. And we did get a jump on the masses. We were there by 9:45 a.m. or so and the zoo was pretty empty. The animals were still having their morning cups of Joe and bagels. By the time we left, the parking lots were full and the crowds maddening.

Above is a picture of Elspeth petting the sting rays, sans stingers. She said they felt silkie. Alyssa refused to pet them because of what happened to Steve Irwin, the animal guy.

Days off

You ask why I was not at work Saturday morning. I answer that I have a few days of vacation. I wanted to do some bike riding, including the White Pine Trail out of Comstock Park, but starting Saturday afternoon, the rain has been falling.

We need the rain and this has been a good, slow soaking. And I don't mind riding in the rain, but I don't want to drive to Grand Rapids and ride all afternoon then drive home for an hour with wet pants.

Thought: Terri says it's going to rain through Thursday. I go back to work Friday. Figures.

The Simpsons

I look back and see it's been a while since I wrote. I blame the heat. Really.

We've been in the 90s consistently for the last two weeks or so, and I just wilt in temperatures above 80 or 85 degrees. The heat just saps my energy. Plus, I've been working a lot. That'll do it, too.

Jayne and I had a date night last Sunday and went to see "The Simpson's Movie."

The review

The movie was OK -- like a long episode, as Jayne said -- but it wasn't uproariously funny or deeply insightful.

I loved the Spider Pig sequences -- that's vintage Homer. Also, the scene in the church is hilarious, especially when Grandpa Simpson starts talking in tongues and Homer opens the Bible, looks through the pages and declares in frustration, "There's no answers in this thing!"

But a few things just didn't mesh and, as I say, went clunk. Spider Pig was dropped too soon. It would have been great if it was Spider Pig (aka Harry Plopper) who came in and saved Homer and Bart in the end from the EPA guy. The pig could have used a web -- I would have been rolling on the floor for that. It also would have represented a reconciliation of Bart and Homer because Spider Pig caused the initial break that is the focus of the film.

Also, the whole Colin kid. I got the one-liner about Bono, but after that, what's the point. Again, funny and Dickensian if Colin would have been the son of the EPA man.

And lastly, I felt at a loss that many of the standard secondary characters hardly appeared -- Patty and Selma didn't say a word between them, Apu was minor and Mr. Burns and Smithers were minimal. Even Comic Book Guy could have been used more.

My final thought: It was a fun movie. Go see it. At a matinee where the price is lower.