A modest proposal

WARNING: This entry contains description that may be offensive to some people. If you are squeamish about fleshy body parts, please stop reading.

Working nights these last 15 years or so has afforded me the chance to see and hear many human interactions that daylight often doesn't uncover. I've been witness to, for example, total strangers vomiting on sidewalks, urinating on buildings and jumping out of moving vehicles. But last week, I was witness to the true motivation of human action.

I was leaving work about 1 a.m. To get to my car, I have to walk across three lanes of traffic to a parking lot. No biggie at that hour. The most dangerous thing on the road then is drunken college students staggering home to their apartments.

This particular night, I saw two people I assumed to be students heading home from one of the local bars. It was pretty warm for a December night and all the street lights make this stretch of road almost like day.

I crossed Ninth Street and heard part of the besotted conversation between the male and female. This is toned down a bit, leaving out some more of the graphic elements.

Female: I'm too tired. I don't wanna cross the street.

Male: Ah, well. ...

Female: You wanna touch my boobies, don't you?

Male: (Silence)

Female: You wanna touch them, don't you?

Male: Huh?

Female: Carry me across the street and I'll let you touch my titties.

Male: (Sound of shuffling shoes) Umph.

I turned around as I unlocked my car to make sure no one was falling into traffic. In the artificial light, I saw a broadly smiling guy struggling to tote his elequent dear to the other side.

Female: (After being set down safely on the pavement). Oh! Now you can touch my boobies.

Male: (Still silent but smiling under the street lights).

I started my car and left the two love birds alone.

Thought: That's what makes the world go around.