Baby I can't drive my car. ...

First, thanks to The Gunky for the suspender comments. I may not wear long johns and cutoffs (seriously: a moment of silence for our deceased friend, Pat, aka Psycho, who did don such attire in college), but you ought to see me in Spandex.

Now for something completely different.

I headed off to work the other day and my "Service Engine Soon or Die" light came on in my Corsica. The engine was sputtering and the whole car shaking, so I turned around and parked it in the driveway. I borrowed my mother-in-law's van and went to work.

Next day, I called John's Auto in Fennville to see if they could take a a look at it. They'd love to, said the owner, but their machanic is in the hospital and not sure when he will be discharged.

Not good. So I asked if they could tow my car up to Holland for work. He said no problem and would be there in a few minutes (John's is about 2 blocks away).

He showed up with the flatbed wrecker! I was floored. This is the kind of vehicle that carts away twisted wreckage from car vs. tractor-trailer crashes, not a sputtering Chevy. Anyway, he chained up the car and slowly pulled out of the driveway. It was like a scene from a World War I film -- my best buddy being hauled away on a stretcher out of the trenches to an unknown fate.

I think I heard the guys at the Chevy dealer laughing when my little red Corsica was dropped off: Fix a rusting old heap with a million miles on it and a rubber fish in the backseat? Just shoot it and put it out of our misery!

Oh, how they don't understand that's not how you treat an old friend -- especially one that's paid off and just got a new exhaust system installed for $300 a few weeks before.

It took Bill the Mechanic (who, by the way, is in a cast because he broke his foot. War is hell) a few days, but he patched up my buddy, changed the serpentine belt and talked me into new front brakes (so that's what metal-on-metal sounds like!) and a realignment of the rear brakes.

The Corsica still has some leaks, and it still knocks, pings, dings, rattles, hums, shakes and shimmies, but it's home for about $450. As I would for any friend, I put it snug in the garage out of the snow and cold winds and kissed it good night.

I hope it starts in the morning.

Thought: Beep, beep. Beep, beep. Yeah.