Coach Hayden?

I received the call I had been expecting since my kids became involved in Community Recreation programs: Would you please coach a soccer team this fall?

After I stopped laughing and the caller said she was earnest, I started the script I had been planning for years:

-- I don't know anything about soccer.
-- That's OK, Mr. Hayden. We'll teach you.

-- I don't work well with large groups of kids.
-- That's OK, we'll be there to support you.

-- I work nights.
-- That's OK, Mr. Hayden. We know you're a good parent and I'm sure you want to be involved with your children's growth.

-- I work weekends.
-- That's OK. I'm sure you can find time to spend quality time with your children, time you'll never really have again.

-- I'm the guy who wrenched his leg on the t-ball field, taught all the little kids a bunch of nasty words and got hauled away by an ambulance and I now have to wear a brace and if I get hurt again, I may have to have surgery that will keep me off my feet for months followed by months of therapy.
-- Silence.

-- Hello?
-- That's OK, Mr. Hayden. I'm sure we can find someone else. Would your wife be interested?

Thought: Always save the best for last.