Cleaned out

Did you hear the one about the naive guy in Fennville and the washing machine?

Yeah, he got taken to the cleaners.

The new washing machine arrived Tuesday. As the crew was unloading it, the driver came over and asked me if I wanted to send it back.

Huh?

The sides were pushed in from a forklift loader, he said.

Super.

I spoke with a Sears (indeed!) representative on the phone, told her that I wanted my wife to look at it, and the representative said we could still bring it in and use it until a replacement could come in. I told the crew to bring it in anyway and remove the old hulk. In my mind was the giant mountains of dirty laundry scattered about the house like mole holes in the back yard. My youngest daughter only had one pair of underwear left. Now, for me, not wearing underwear is a given, but for a little girl. ...

The new machine was hauled into the dungeon I call a basement and, of course, the drain hose wouldn't fit. The delivery crew wouldn't work with it, saying they're not required to do anything that is out of the ordinary and the skeletons shackled to the wall near the burning torches freaked them out.

Now, I have a new washer that I can't use, a big bill and hose just flailing around the dungeon like a medieval torture device.

Thought: Sears!