Snow-flation

As Alan Greenspan intimated, there is unfounded exhuberance afoot, a bubble about to burst. A specter is haunting West Michigan (Oh, sorry. I got carried away) -- It's called Snow-flation.

Some time ago, I can't tell you when, the weather became a big deal. The Weather Channel had a lot to do with it. Afterall, to attract advertisers and bring in the cash for a 24/7 weather report, the weather had to be glitzed up, but I don't blame The Weather Channel. In fact, I love The Weather Channel. I can name the on-air meteorologists, to start with, and there I will stop because I don't want to be labeled a fanatic (Hello, Sharon Resultan, if you're reading this! Hi, Jim Cantore!). Despite its shine, The Weather Channel is pretty low key compared to local television weather.

The big guys

WOOD TV-8, our NBC local, started it. The station has a staff of like a thousand meteorologists who call themselves Storm Team 8 (I thought that was a World War II movie with Harrison Ford). I can see them huddled around the line of scrimmage with Craig James leading the calls, Matt Kirkwood on the line, Joe Sullivan as full back, Bill Steffens as half back, Terri DeBoer going long and Ginger Zee (not her real name!) doing, well, I'm not sure what the newest addition to the team is doing. Maybe a kicker. Or a cheerleader.

On the other side is WZZM TV-13, our ABC affiliate. They have only a few hundred meteorologists but they have two powerful weather weapons:

First, the Weather Deck. They do their reports on a deck outside their studio in the elements. Now that's dedication to stand in 40 mph winds as 8 inches of snow swirls around and predict sunny skies. I proposed to The Holland Sentinel management (News Team 8?) that we counter this move with a Weather Hot Tub. I volunteered to go online and do our forecasts in a Speedo. No takers.

Second, WZZM has The Weather Ball. This monolith that looks like a golf ball on a tee is a throw back to industrialization hubris and towers over the expressway, looming over Grand Rapids. It blinks certain colors to tell motorists who should be watching the road but instead have their eyes turned skyward what's happening with the weather. There's a rhyme I haven't cluttered my mind with, something about Weather Ball green, no change foreseen; Weather Ball red, change ahead. Our joke at the office is: Weather Ball black, nuclear attack.

The epic battle

Now, these two battle it out with every drop of rain and flake of snow that falls.

If there is a hint of snow, Channel 8 will be sounding the Snow Apocalypse Alarm. The staion screams CHAOS! END OF CIVILIZATION AHEAD! HOARD FOOD! sometimes a week before a suspected storm system moves out of the Midwest into the Great Lakes. This happened again this week when the Town Criers of Weather let loose with the fact that a huge storm of King Kong proportions was going to hit Wednesday night and leave a swath of destruction Thursday. I even bought into it and began Monday making preparations for a snow day for the kids Thursday. Shame on me. The storm trickled out here (it was bad in Indiania, Ohio and on the East Side of Michigan, but I got that from The Weather Channel) and we had temperatures warm enough to melt down the snow pack and sunshine Thursday that almost blinded me.

I've seen both 8 and 13 send reporters to stand along the expressway and pretend that the storm is significant when it's just normal late-fall or winter weather. Since when is 3-4 inches of snow news? It's Michigan. It will surely snow from November through March. If you live close enough to Lake Michigan, it will snow almost every single day. Here, where I live, a sunny day is big news!

No need for hype. No need for a Storm Team or Weather Deck. Just give me the forecast without blowing it out of proportion to boost your ratings or egos. I call it Snow-flation or just stupid.

Thoughts: I gather all the news I need on the weather report; or, You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.