Cut it out

Nothin' like sleepin' in on a Sunday summer day, just lettin' the mornin' fade into the sun as you. ...

Hold it. What's that sound? That annoying, buzzing, chugging, whipping, whacking sound?

It's a lawnmower.

The sound of a lawnmower is the outdoor equal to the indoor vacuum cleaner, and, in my Dante-esque level of Hell I will be confined to, I will be surrounded by those whirring, sucking noise makers. And when I go for an outdoor walk in that level of Hell to escape that carpet-cleaning monster, its evil twin, a lawnmower, will be raising its snaggle-tooth chip-bladed grin and burping its exhaust-stenched breath in my face.

I can't stand the noise of a lawnmower. Nothing ruins a beautiful morning or a quiet afternoon like those machines. That's why I use mine so seldom. I wish others would be as defiant (or is it lazy?) as me.

Now, the funny part is that I love the smell of freshly cut grass. Nothing perks me up like riding through the country on my bicycle and coming across the scent of a trimmed lawn. Mmmm. Crab grass.

So, you see, I'm not entirely opposed to mowing lawns. I just want a time -- a long time -- where I can escape the noise of those rattling engines and give my frayed nerves a rest.

I ask you to join me in writing your legislators to start a new cutting-edge movement: The Let Me Sleep in Peace Movement. Just ask one of those lawmakers who has too much time on their hands to take a break from ignoring major social and economic issues to do this (I think Bill VanRegenmorter in Ottawa County is a prime candidate for this task) and sponsor a drive to set aside one day -- one 24-hour period -- where lawnmowers, weed-wackers, chainsaws and any other motorized lawn care menace can be silenced.

One more rant

Now for something completely different. ...

I was reading The Sentinel this morning and came across the column by the Life&Style editor that mentioned The Beatles. Unfortunately, she misquoted -- twice! -- the song "Yellow Submarine." Shame!

I can tolerate a lot of non-lawnmower things in life, but misquoting The Beatles is not one of them. You might as well butcher Shakespeare or screw around with the melodic rhythm of the banter in "Caddyshack."

Thought: So I got that going for me.